If i were to tell someone about my life today, I could do it in a way that would make them think me a brave, happy, independent woman. Rubbish. i am not even allowed to mention the only word that is more important– love.
All my life, I thought of love as some kind of voluntary enslavement.well, that’s a lie.freedom only exists when love is present. The person who gives him or herself wholy is the person who loves most wholeheartedly. And the person who loves wholeheartedly feels free.That is why, regardless of what I might experience, do or learn, nothing makes sense.
But what am i saying? in love, no one can harm anyone else. we are each of us responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel. Love is not to be found in someone else but in ourselves. We simply awaken it but in order to do that, we need the other person. The universe only makes sense when we have someone to share our feelings with.
When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side. And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left.
I can choose either to be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure. It’s all a question of how I view my life.
My Aim is to understand Love.
I’ve met a man and fallen in love with him. I allowed myself to fall in love for one simple reason: I’m not expecting anything to come out of it. I know how alive I felt when i was in love. But if I must be faithful to someone or something, then I have, first of all, to be faithful to myself.
If Im looking for true love, I first have to get the mediocre love out of my system. The little experience of life I’ve had has taught me that no one owns anything, that everything is an illusion– and that applies to material as well as spiritual things. Anyone who has lost something they thought was theirs forever finally comes to realize that nothing realy belongs to them. And if nothing belongs to me, then there’s no point wasting my time looking after things that aren’t mine. it’s best to live life as if today were the first (or last) day of my life.
it hurts when we lost someone we fell in love with. Now though, im convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it.
Life was teaching me– very fast–that only the strong survive. to be strong, I must be the best, there’s no alternative.
I’m not a body with a soul– im a soul that has a visible part called the body. I have been more conscious of the presence of this soul than usual. It doesnt say anything to me, didnt criticize me or feel sorry for me. it merely watched me.
I could have responded in all kinds of ways but like most people, I let fate choose which route i should take.
Despite my apparent freedom, my life consisted of endless hours spent waiting for a miracle, for true love, for an adventure with the same romantic ending I have seen in films and read about in books.
A writer once said that it is not time that changes man, nor knowledge. The only thing that can change someone’s mind is LOVE. love was undoubtedly one of the things capable of changing a person’s whole life, from one moment to the next. But there was the other side that could make a human being take totally different course from the one he or she planned and that was called despair. Yes, perhaps love really could transform someone, but despair did the job more quickly.
it was norman to be jealous, although life had taught me that it was pointless thinking you could own another person– anyone who believes that is just deceiving themselves. despite this, I could not stop myself having these feelings of jealousy or of having grand intellectual thoughts about it or even thinking it was a proof of fragility.
Anyway, if my love is real, freedom will conquer jealousy and any pain it causes me, since pain is also part of the natural process.
At first, it’s unpleasant and demotivating but in time you come to realize that it’s part of process of feeling good. The danger lies in focusing on that pain and keeping it always present in your thoughts.
I thank God I managed to free myself from that. To avoid beautiful thoughts turning into suffering, I would stop what I was doing, smile at up the sky and give thanks for being alive and to be expecting nothing from the man I love.
It’s been a long time since I thought about love or anything called love. it seems to be running away from me, as if it wasnt important anymore and didnt feel welcome.
But if I dont think about love, I will be nothing. I need to write about love. I need to think and think and write and write about love. otherwise, my soul wont survive.
Although I was capable of writing very wise thoughts, I was quite incapable of following my own advise.
Each day I choose the truth by which I try to live. I try to be practical, efficient, professional. But I would like to be able always to choose desire as my companion. Not out of obligation, not to lessen my loneliness but because it is good. yes, very good.
Sometimes life is very mean: a person can spend days, weeks, months, years without feeling anything new. Then when a door opens, an avalanche pours in. One moment, you have nothing, the next, you have more than you can cope with.
When I had nothing to lose, I have everything.
When I stoppped being who I am, I found myself.
I experienced pain yesterday, I found peace today.
I cannot simply do nothing, pretend that everything is normal, that it’s just a stage, a phase of my life.
I want to forget it, I need to love– that’s all, I need to love.
Life is too short, or too long for me to allow myself the luxury of living it so badly…
Love one another, but let’s not try to possess one another
(man goes through hell in order to understand this)
