Somehow, I’ve always had a fear of getting stuck between the closing doors of an elevator. If possible, I try to be the first one in and the first one out, otherwise I try to slip by as quickly as I can.

Or was it because i just watched the elevator! nyay!

It's 3 in the afternoon here.
Just done reading all the poems posted
And got enough time to review some works.
It's been an hour since I got here.
Just sitting, staring at my computer.
I wanted to write a poem
But I can't think of anything to write
Not that I don’t have anything to write
But because I don’t know where to start
Not that I don’t know how to start
But because lot of things are on my mind.
Things seem to be not getting any better for me.
I don’t know what's so wrong with me!
I had a lot of thinking yesterday
I tried not to think of anything
But I guess I can't control my mind
It's like my mind got its own mind!
Oh well, its sucks! What I feel, sucks!
I started getting like mental depressed yesterday
When my friend made me f_c*ing guess that she had a boyfriend..
He is 24 and she is 49.
The age doesn't bother me so much but god damn it!
My own 49-year-old friend can seem to land a boyfriend!!!..
So what the hell is so wrong with me that I can't??..
I'm in love, All right.
But I love someone who can't love me back!
I've been dumping guys who said they love me
Because of this man I think I can love even if he'll not love me back.
Many times I told myself
That I can. That I will.
But now, what?
Why am I acting like this?
I'm tired……
Not tired of loving him. Coz God knows how long I will love him.
Not tired of waiting for him. Coz I'm not waiting for him (yeah right! Convince yourself girl!)
I don’t know what it is that I'm tired with.
Maybe tired of playing a martyr?
Maybe tired of this kind of set-up I put up?
Maybe tired of thinking that he can't love me?
Maybe tired of thinking that I cant have him?
I have tried absolutely everything.
I have done everything in between
And yet I am still alone. I don't get it!
Why is this happening to me??
What is wrong with me?
I really would like to know what is wrong with me????
Tell me why the f_c* he can't love me!!!

I don't even know what is going on in my own head.
I like to post a poem for today
But I have had a lot of things on my mind.
I have been very depressed
Not really wanting to write much of anything.
I have been too depressed to even write a poem.
Does life ever get any easier to understand?
I can understand some things in my life
But the others seem to come out of absolutely nowhere.
I don’t make sense, huh?
Anyway, I just want to use this space as my place for venting.
Just for today I want to use it as a place for me to get out my sadness.
I hope it's ok with you.

I have pretended that I don't care..I have taken things slow...I have done everything in between. I don't get it! Why is this happening to me?? What is wrong with me? I used to think that I was beautiful and smart and even a worthwhile person. But I now know that I must be ugly, stupid, and completely worthless, I really would like to know what is wrong with me????

I shouldn't be angry
I should just be happy everyone tells me
Why should I be happy with something that I don't have?
All I hear is how understanding I should be..I shouldn't be anything!
I am sick of people telling me what I should have done, what I could have done, what I should do, what I could do!
Let me be me, let me feel how I want, SHOULDN'T I be entitled to at least that much?
Why am I always being ridiculed for being sad about things I think I have a right to be sad about?

I wanted to be with you, and it kills me to leave you alone.
But where were you when I needed you? , I WAS ALONE.
I have put so much into being you and me; you took it all and left me with nothing.
Why has it come to this? Why did we let it get here?

But now I've seen you with her. I can see you are happy.
And I'm glad you are.
I'm not happy though with the way things are but I have to stop this now.
If its not you, it will never be you no matter how much I obsessed about it.
But if just in case you're for me, you've always been, you'll always be no matter how often I set you free...
I hope no one does to you what you have done to me.
Leave you cold, heartbroken and lonely.

Whenever my birthday comes, I undergo sudden bouts of depression.

Did I grow up to be the woman I wanted to be? Honestly, I don’t know.

I know I said it myself. It came from me. It came from a gal who just turned 25 and had just made a reflection of herself.

Did I mention that I am sad? Yes, I believe I did. It’s the same sadness a regretful person feels when he or she reaches the dying ages, the stony type of gloom. But I’m not dying, so why do I get the jitters?

But after the gloom comes resolve. And this time, it’s different because I am already 25 years old. The resolve becomes much clearer and, well, imperative. If I am going to change the way I live my life, I must start right now before I die and have regrets.

I didn’t really realize how I am going to live my life. And I promise to make it better.

I may not be able to change everything in me, but I will try. Anyway, sometimes intent is enough, and sometimes it isn’t. The most important thing now is I have a clearer picture of what I want to be and where I should be.