the days just seemed to pass without me feeling the spirit of Christmas. sure, houses were lighted, Christmas specials were featured on TV, and presents were bought and wrapped. but something is missing. I dont know...

Today, I’ve realized that I’m ready to stop clinging to my life here as I know it and start looking forward to the life I’ll be living in the near future. I’m ready to stop thinking of the things I’ll be missing, and instead think of the things I wouldn’t have access to here.

It’s time for me to stop resisting change, and instead meet it head-on, take it by the horns, plunge into its depth, and whatever other metaphor you may think of for it.

Now I’m just thankful that there’s still time to buckle down and be truly ready for the upcoming changes in my life.

Somehow, I’ve always had a fear of getting stuck between the closing doors of an elevator. If possible, I try to be the first one in and the first one out, otherwise I try to slip by as quickly as I can.

Or was it because i just watched the elevator! nyay!

It's 3 in the afternoon here.
Just done reading all the poems posted
And got enough time to review some works.
It's been an hour since I got here.
Just sitting, staring at my computer.
I wanted to write a poem
But I can't think of anything to write
Not that I don’t have anything to write
But because I don’t know where to start
Not that I don’t know how to start
But because lot of things are on my mind.
Things seem to be not getting any better for me.
I don’t know what's so wrong with me!
I had a lot of thinking yesterday
I tried not to think of anything
But I guess I can't control my mind
It's like my mind got its own mind!
Oh well, its sucks! What I feel, sucks!
I started getting like mental depressed yesterday
When my friend made me f_c*ing guess that she had a boyfriend..
He is 24 and she is 49.
The age doesn't bother me so much but god damn it!
My own 49-year-old friend can seem to land a boyfriend!!!..
So what the hell is so wrong with me that I can't??..
I'm in love, All right.
But I love someone who can't love me back!
I've been dumping guys who said they love me
Because of this man I think I can love even if he'll not love me back.
Many times I told myself
That I can. That I will.
But now, what?
Why am I acting like this?
I'm tired……
Not tired of loving him. Coz God knows how long I will love him.
Not tired of waiting for him. Coz I'm not waiting for him (yeah right! Convince yourself girl!)
I don’t know what it is that I'm tired with.
Maybe tired of playing a martyr?
Maybe tired of this kind of set-up I put up?
Maybe tired of thinking that he can't love me?
Maybe tired of thinking that I cant have him?
I have tried absolutely everything.
I have done everything in between
And yet I am still alone. I don't get it!
Why is this happening to me??
What is wrong with me?
I really would like to know what is wrong with me????
Tell me why the f_c* he can't love me!!!

I don't even know what is going on in my own head.
I like to post a poem for today
But I have had a lot of things on my mind.
I have been very depressed
Not really wanting to write much of anything.
I have been too depressed to even write a poem.
Does life ever get any easier to understand?
I can understand some things in my life
But the others seem to come out of absolutely nowhere.
I don’t make sense, huh?
Anyway, I just want to use this space as my place for venting.
Just for today I want to use it as a place for me to get out my sadness.
I hope it's ok with you.