I always have the answer to any questions that someone will asked me, but I cant find the right answer to his one simple question.
"why are you saying goodbye, Jing?"
He sent me a text quote saying : If you love what you're doing, you'll never get bored. same with... If you love that someone, you'll never get tired.
I replied,: I am tired. But it doesn't necessarily mean I don't love you...
What was he thinking when he forwarded me that message??? Lalo nyang ginugulo ang isip ko.
Leche.
A friend forwarded me this message and this hit me so hard:
U know wats sad bout love?
its wen u happen 2 know dat ders jst no hope 4 u bein 2gder yet u stil pray 2 make it work...
its wen ur mind says let go but ur heart says hold on...
its wen u drim of dat person almost evry nyt only 2 wake up in d morning wid tirs in ur eyes...
nd most of ol its wen no mater how u try 2 4get dat person u jst cnt...
coz of d fact dat u love dat person nd u just dnt know y...
So true, Right? well, for me it is... parang ako na rin nga ang sumulat ng quote nato. coz this is exactly what was happening to me!
Now, going back to his question why am i saying goodbye? im not really sure why. Maybe because I don't want us to be just friends. I realize I can't settle for anything but the best. I thought I could still be a part of him if I remain by his side. Be there whenever he needs me, that sort of thing. When I convinced myself to settle for friendship with him, I didn't realize I'd get more than what I was ready to cope. My feelings always get in the way. I'm not sure who to blame. I'm so confused I don't want to think of Him anymore. But how? kung siya lang naman lagi ang laman ng isip ko? Magmura man ako ng ilang beses, di pa rin mawala ang kaguluhan sa isipan ko. Isipin ko man lahat ng nangyari samin at ginawa niya sakin, di ko pa rin magawang magalit. I just love him to the highest level! Punyeta!
I've been trying so hard to avoid him. I no longer reply to his texts, I diverted all my incoming calls to a non-working number, and now, I am planning to change my number. that also, is for the Nth time. And these things hurt me so much. A bigtime sacrifice.
Sana lang din tigilan na lang niya ako, if he doesn't intend to get back with me. If only he'll realize how miserable I am to know that I can touch Him, yet I can't own Him. If only I can say these things to Him. If only I am brave enough...
I just hope that everything turns out fine. Anyway, I always believe that greater things are yet to come.
I Love You and only God knows how much and until when, but for now, For my sanity... Goodbye.
